May all that is unforgiven in you
Be released.
May your fears yield
Their deepest tranquillities.
May all that is unlived in you
Blossom into a future
Graced with love.
...i signed up for my first online e-course that just happens to be titled "Practicing Spirituality with John O'Donohue". really?! it is one of those things that is truly the holy spirit at work on behalf of me. the last entry i wrote here was a blessing from his book "To Bless The Space Between Us". at the time it felt like the best entry to date and that it would be the beginning of a million more but then something got stuck, i kept feeling like my life was on pause and i was waiting for it to be reset to play, but then it wasn't and then that feeling began to settle in and it felt like it would be the last entry that could possibly come out of this being.
that was april.
our life has been in transition since november, mainly due to our decision to scale back so that my husband could begin doing work of his heart. that meant we would need to seriously make some changes in the lifestyle that we currently lived, being very well provided for financially, at least. a quite comfortable, safe, secure, LoVeLy life. i was all over it! this has to be what God wanted for us, we were doing it for the good of the kingdom, for His people. it was true, i was at peace, friends and family were thrown off by how positive i was and that I was not worried. that, we are all familiar with, in me. since the day i was born...well, since the time i started to believe that i needed to be my own protector and provider...it was not me, certainly, not that me. but it was a truer me, and i was A FreaKiN 'live.
until april.
the decisions we were making were not typical of our ways up to this point. basically, we were living day to day, minute to minute fully on God to provide for us. for worriers, which i am, making decisions doesn't come easily...simple choices are usually painfully made, replayed a variety of ways, and monumental once it occurs... then re-evaluated and immediately followed by remorse which is held deeply in reserve, for the upcoming opportunities to be met with indecision and seeking others (typically falling to my husband, but then honestly anyone else trustworthy by my standards and nearby, usually is suitable) help to make decisions, ultimately relying on them to just do the deciding. to be so laissez–faire with some fairly significant changes could be seen as careless and irresponsible at times. two more characteristics of who i am to the core, careFULL and RE-E-esponsible. but again, i knew that it would be okay because this was what kingdom life is meant to be, right?
until april.
for some reason april was the month i was looking forward to, my Estimated Time of Arrival, our lives would be saved just in time. we were not going to lose everything, we were giving it all away, this was going to be our resurrection with Jesus. and i knew with my whole heart that He was going to do it without relocating. time was running out, soon it was the 11th hour. but i know how this part of the story ends. it will be okay. then the 11th hour and 59th second.
oh, no. i know how this part of the story ends
he doesn't take the cup away?
he doesn't take the cup away.
clock strikes 12
oh, no...this is not easter? it's april but its not easter.
...it is good freaking friday
we pack our boxes, a family of 5. no place to go, but the boxes are packed. we had offers from other families to come stay with them, one family has 6 children, has relocated to the inner city, and has been remodeling a warehouse space in hopes of creating a life of community. that could be interesting, what a generous offer but we just need a place to transition, a place to rest, so that we can get on our feet again...we are not looking for a home.
so here it is july, we have been living in a warehouse, in the inner city for nearly 2 months. good days find our family of 5 sharing a table with a family of 8. laundry gets done for 13. children are playing around the clock. the older ones care for the younger ones. men work together. moms share a cup and the cares of our hearts, feeling at home. of course there are moments of discomfort, but then we walk out the door...not to beautiful century old charming homes that have been cared for with children swinging from the strong limbs of the best trees beneath the shade they give, year round as dogs being walked lap refreshingly from overflowing streams trickling from freshly watered green lawns. we step out to centuries of brokenness that has landed on the souls of the people on the street, children finding ways to endure the heat and cold as they await the arrival of the metro, on benches marked by another hoping not to be seen in the dark but to be known by their unique colorful words, the dogs around here bark loudly from behind ten foot high fences as the homeless hopelessly swagger by...restless...so thirsty...waiting for water...
and then i ask how in this world, on this earth, in america, at work, at church, around the corner, on our front steps, in our homes ... can we bless and be so blessed with this space between us?
Be released.
May your fears yield
Their deepest tranquillities.
May all that is unlived in you
Blossom into a future
Graced with love.
...i signed up for my first online e-course that just happens to be titled "Practicing Spirituality with John O'Donohue". really?! it is one of those things that is truly the holy spirit at work on behalf of me. the last entry i wrote here was a blessing from his book "To Bless The Space Between Us". at the time it felt like the best entry to date and that it would be the beginning of a million more but then something got stuck, i kept feeling like my life was on pause and i was waiting for it to be reset to play, but then it wasn't and then that feeling began to settle in and it felt like it would be the last entry that could possibly come out of this being.
that was april.
our life has been in transition since november, mainly due to our decision to scale back so that my husband could begin doing work of his heart. that meant we would need to seriously make some changes in the lifestyle that we currently lived, being very well provided for financially, at least. a quite comfortable, safe, secure, LoVeLy life. i was all over it! this has to be what God wanted for us, we were doing it for the good of the kingdom, for His people. it was true, i was at peace, friends and family were thrown off by how positive i was and that I was not worried. that, we are all familiar with, in me. since the day i was born...well, since the time i started to believe that i needed to be my own protector and provider...it was not me, certainly, not that me. but it was a truer me, and i was A FreaKiN 'live.
until april.
the decisions we were making were not typical of our ways up to this point. basically, we were living day to day, minute to minute fully on God to provide for us. for worriers, which i am, making decisions doesn't come easily...simple choices are usually painfully made, replayed a variety of ways, and monumental once it occurs... then re-evaluated and immediately followed by remorse which is held deeply in reserve, for the upcoming opportunities to be met with indecision and seeking others (typically falling to my husband, but then honestly anyone else trustworthy by my standards and nearby, usually is suitable) help to make decisions, ultimately relying on them to just do the deciding. to be so laissez–faire with some fairly significant changes could be seen as careless and irresponsible at times. two more characteristics of who i am to the core, careFULL and RE-E-esponsible. but again, i knew that it would be okay because this was what kingdom life is meant to be, right?
until april.
for some reason april was the month i was looking forward to, my Estimated Time of Arrival, our lives would be saved just in time. we were not going to lose everything, we were giving it all away, this was going to be our resurrection with Jesus. and i knew with my whole heart that He was going to do it without relocating. time was running out, soon it was the 11th hour. but i know how this part of the story ends. it will be okay. then the 11th hour and 59th second.
oh, no. i know how this part of the story ends
he doesn't take the cup away?
he doesn't take the cup away.
clock strikes 12
oh, no...this is not easter? it's april but its not easter.
...it is good freaking friday
we pack our boxes, a family of 5. no place to go, but the boxes are packed. we had offers from other families to come stay with them, one family has 6 children, has relocated to the inner city, and has been remodeling a warehouse space in hopes of creating a life of community. that could be interesting, what a generous offer but we just need a place to transition, a place to rest, so that we can get on our feet again...we are not looking for a home.
so here it is july, we have been living in a warehouse, in the inner city for nearly 2 months. good days find our family of 5 sharing a table with a family of 8. laundry gets done for 13. children are playing around the clock. the older ones care for the younger ones. men work together. moms share a cup and the cares of our hearts, feeling at home. of course there are moments of discomfort, but then we walk out the door...not to beautiful century old charming homes that have been cared for with children swinging from the strong limbs of the best trees beneath the shade they give, year round as dogs being walked lap refreshingly from overflowing streams trickling from freshly watered green lawns. we step out to centuries of brokenness that has landed on the souls of the people on the street, children finding ways to endure the heat and cold as they await the arrival of the metro, on benches marked by another hoping not to be seen in the dark but to be known by their unique colorful words, the dogs around here bark loudly from behind ten foot high fences as the homeless hopelessly swagger by...restless...so thirsty...waiting for water...and then i ask how in this world, on this earth, in america, at work, at church, around the corner, on our front steps, in our homes ... can we bless and be so blessed with this space between us?
