is screaming that THERE IS NOTHING OK ABOUT ANY OF THIS!

and i know that it has nothing to do with insecurity, emotional or financial instability, or even the fear of needing to know a thing.
because do you know what?
i. KNOW. this. fear.

this fear is so familiar to me. i have spent an entire lifetime avoiding this fear. but i know it. hidden it so deep that its the only thing visible in the darkest times.  but i mercifully know it.

still all i want is to just be o.k.

and then i am reminded that just o.k. is not what i am made to be.... or marked to become...

and yes. i KNOW this, too.  and it is so familiar to me. and i have spent an entire lifetime avoiding this gift. and i know it. and i have hidden it so deep that its the only thing visible in the darkest times. but truthfully i know it.

and then comfort comes even still as everything inside of me is screaming that THERE IS NOTHING OK ABOUT ANY OF THIS!

{  "everything will be okay in the end. if it's not okay, it's not the end." –unknown }

...FuLL
WHaT...is
...is SO much
...For You
...only
through...
...is ME
with you, here, in...
to listen for...
silence...
...silence

Isaiah 6:1-9

more of the unknown
still the waters fall

but i can not see through this
it is blinding
you say that means i see

more of the unknown
still the waters fall

i do not feel ready
i know i have been prepared
i will lose my life

more of the unknown
still the waters fall

if i trust
then i will fall
when i fall
it will hurt unbearably

more of the unknown
still the waters fall

down there i will be
among the least of these
only one thing to see
the fullness of you
upon an empty me

more of the unknown

still
your
w
a
t
e
r
s
fall

..."the more we face the unknown, the less unknown there will be to fear"

of the billions of them that are
they never miss being with each other
because they are never apart
not one

truly

sometimes scattered about
sometimes so close to seem as one
sometimes placed in a special formation
sometimes
yes sometimes uniquely identified
even called out to shine a little less brightly

they simply appear
they simply appear every night
they simply appear on the other side of the world

how without rest
what draws them out
why there is no motivation
where else can there be such peace
when encouragement is no longer necessary
who really knows what causes them to shine at all

the One who created them
they are because they have been chosen
they are because they have been chosen

they may never really know each other
or feel completely known
they have never known one minute alone
how resistance can take hold
or what is meant to be forgotten

that is the mystery of it

still no matter what
even the few who fall from time to time
all can be certain that a special place is held for them
together they are free
together they are one
just as they have always been and forevermore will be

that is the beauty of it

they have been called the galaxy... the universe... heaven... eternity...

they who have come
to commune
and be
community

Journey begins
A handful of faithful
Committed together
Opened hearts
Broken & bruised
Souls cared for
Wisdom & Folly
Experienced & Understood
Living fully : Awakened
Letting go...Love.

1 a: passage from one state, stage, subject, or place to another : change b: a movement, development, or evolution from one form, stage, or style to another
2 a: a musical modulation b: a musical passage leading from one section of a piece to another
3: an abrupt change in energy state or level (as of an atomic nucleus or a molecule) usually accompanied by loss or gain of a single quantum of energy

T
R
A
N
S
I
T
I
O
N

Then there is transition of "the body"

"Transition as the phase of labor just before the pushing stage. about 6 or 7 centimeters of dilation, some of the symptoms of "transition" appear. During transition, contractions become very strong, and often their duration and frequency are less predictable.

At this stage of labor, the laboring womanmay feel confused or even unable to cope at all. Legs and arms may tremble uncontrollably.Belching, hiccuping, feeling nauseated or even vomiting may occur.Most women recall feeling irritable and often become astonishingly rude. The coach will need to be particularly attentive and encouraging at a time when it is not going to be too rewarding to do so. The extreme changes in body temperaturewill require the obvious treatment of either adding or removing blankets.
Toward the end of this accelerated phase, but often before the cervix is fully dilated, the laboring women may feel the urge to push (or what feels like the need for a bowel movement). A couple of these signs, but especially the urge to push, often indicate transition.

If no examination has taken place within the preceding half hour, the nurse should be notified of the changes. Even if it has been less than the thirty minutes and the urge to push is strong, immediately notify the attending person of this sensation. The coach's presence is most helpful during this difficult time."

And also
transition words show relationship between 2 separate things

transition...
(in between)
transformation.

The only difference that lies between them is in the forming of the words,

i form a...

(Almost resembling "information", which even calls out to be completed)

Leaving only the mystery of what is to be