is screaming that THERE IS NOTHING OK ABOUT ANY OF THIS!

and i know that it has nothing to do with insecurity, emotional or financial instability, or even the fear of needing to know a thing.
because do you know what?
i. KNOW. this. fear.

this fear is so familiar to me. i have spent an entire lifetime avoiding this fear. but i know it. hidden it so deep that its the only thing visible in the darkest times.  but i mercifully know it.

still all i want is to just be o.k.

and then i am reminded that just o.k. is not what i am made to be.... or marked to become...

and yes. i KNOW this, too.  and it is so familiar to me. and i have spent an entire lifetime avoiding this gift. and i know it. and i have hidden it so deep that its the only thing visible in the darkest times. but truthfully i know it.

and then comfort comes even still as everything inside of me is screaming that THERE IS NOTHING OK ABOUT ANY OF THIS!

{  "everything will be okay in the end. if it's not okay, it's not the end." –unknown }